Comments for Frangipani

Comment on “Coming Out” by Araliya

Araliya — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:09:49 +0000

Also true, though I think it depends a little on where you live and who you happen to be talking to. And you know, if I’m going to get up the guts to use the word ‘girlfriend’, having people gloss over it assuming whatever they’re assuming is a bit of an anticlimax. I don’t know if I should feel relieved or annoyed, to be honest.

Comment on “Coming Out” by Vicki

Vicki — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:41:57 +0000

The startling thing is how often “girlfriend” doesn’t draw attention from people who assume I’m straight. Given that I’m known to have a male partner, a lot of people assume I mean a close platonic female friend, not the woman I am dating/in love with. And if I’m just idly saying something like “my girlfriend explained why that machine can’t really give us boiling water,” I have no good way of knowing whether they are misreading “girlfriend,” or if they get it and figure if it’s no big deal to me, they won’t make it one either.

Comment on “Primary” and “Secondary” by Tara

Tara — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:46:57 +0000

Thank you for this essay…these are the sentiments i have been trying to express without much eloquence for so long. Unfortunately, I couldn’t salvage my “primary” relationship because I couldn’t agree with a veto. Not because I love anyone more or less, but because I can’t be forced to shut someone out of my life that i love.

Comment on I’m still here by GreenGO

GreenGO — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:33:11 +0000

A good blog … I would go more often …

Comment on “Primary” and “Secondary” by Araliya

Araliya — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 06:22:39 +0000

Hi Chantilly – I can’t believe I’ve only just seen your comment! Your question about an LDR is interesting. While length of relationship might make an LDR qualify as a ‘primary’ relationship, distance and closer proximity to other partners could bring that into question. Ultimately, I suppose it just boils down to what works for the individuals involved. Which sounds like a copout, but when you’re working without a blueprint…
Thanks for stopping in!

Comment on Fear of communication by Barb

Barb — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 01:20:51 +0000

Speaking of communication, funny, we were just discussing that…how important it is to do so and for all the reasons you mentioned.
Good article…that hit the spot!

Comment on “Primary” and “Secondary” by Chantilly

Chantilly — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 10:06:58 +0000

Thanks for this great article!
It puts into words so many things that I thought and felt before somehow…

While a lot of poly relationships might be “monogamous couple living toghether (having children together maybe) opening up their relationship”, there are a lot of other types of couples.
What about long distance relationships (LDR)? Are they automatically “secondary”? And what if a LDR has been going on longer than a relationship with a person living in the same town?

I particulary like your remark about veto power and the idea of letting every relationship grow instead of putting them into cages.

(sorry for my bad english)

Comment on Poly and newly-marrieds by Fruit Taster

Fruit Taster — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:28:03 +0000

Araliya, I’m so sorry for forgetting to check back with this post! It does answer my question. For you polyamore just fits better the person that you are. You didn’t know it at the time that you were trying for monogamy, but now you do.

This reminds me of the book “Monogamy” by Adam Phillips.

Comment on “Primary” and “Secondary” by Fruit Taster

Fruit Taster — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:09:10 +0000

I understand your desire to not define your relationships as boxes. I feel this way about religion. Why decide from the outset what the extent of the relationship will be when you can just let it grow and flourish or flounder as it will and see what happens.

Comment on Coming Out Interview by bentcrude

bentcrude — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:01:33 +0000

Thanks! If you click on polysexual in my tag cloud you’ll see a few results … it’s interesting for me to see how the tags are showing up, actually. Will go check whether I tagged your story with polyamoury and do so if I didn’t.

Thanks again

Ulla